do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
