everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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