Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
