What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
