I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
