if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
