there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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