it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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