He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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