So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
