So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
