so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
