I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
