I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
