I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
