I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
