So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
