I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
