He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
