It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
