party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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