Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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