i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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