I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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