when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
