So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
