chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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