Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
