Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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