cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
