I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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