So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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