I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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