How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
