I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
