He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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