Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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