Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
