sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
