I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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