I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
