I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
