Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
