so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
