i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize