By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
