She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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