My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
