I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
