apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
