It's Friday. Sex?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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