I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
