I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My life is pants optional.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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