Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
