You can't motorboat a personality
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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