i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
