the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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