remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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