i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
