If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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