I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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