well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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