Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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