I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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